Balancing my Yearning for Casual Encounters While Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship
As a gay man in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, mostly enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love or sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I begin seeing a potential partner, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners once more.
Reflecting on the Feasibility of Monogamy
Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they have seemed demanding, frequently resulting in lots of pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused.
Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate various forms of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs in your current state could easily shift down the road; eventually you might become more decisive and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet a person who provides a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with one partner, you will know.
- Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a American therapy professional focusing on addressing sexual disorders.
