Those Words from A Dad That Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the truth rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The simple words "You aren't in a good place. You must get some help. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a larger failure to open up between men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a show of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a respite - taking a short trip away, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I think my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."